Party-core heroes narrowly escaped death as they were in a van accident. The bands statement on their official website reads as follows: i’m gonna have to agree with lambgoaters on this one. we really SHOULD have died. the first thing that went through my head when i realized our van was doing cartwheels off the I-80 was “i bet cliff burton is going through andys head”. then i was all “fuck! jordan must have flinched right before hitting the launch ramp we built” then some glass broke, a shitload of poop fell out, the roof was at my feet, durst (who was surfing on top of the van like styles in teen wolf) was thrown into a PERFECT 720 double backflip and totally stuck the landing, and my long island iced tea was spilt all over my 1/2 pound of alaskan king crab legs. we want to thank the laramie wyoming police department for arriving at the speed of light maple syrup. within the blink of an eye (for someone in a 45 minute coma) they (i mean HE) was on the scene- belittling, yelling, arguing and refusing to let us stay warm in his police car. we thank god for keeping us relatively injury free, since it wasn’t until an hour and a half later that we arrived at the hospital to get xrayed and have our urine sampled, which was fucking weird because nobody else had to donate a sample except me and the nurse stood behind me- yelling- the entire time AND she made me pee into an empty tissue box instead of a cup. at the end of the day, to anyone concerned, the band is fine. we are rejoining the story of the year tour in a few days after our manditory 5 days rest for pulled muscles (the muscle andy pulled was actually done about 2 hours BEFORE the accident at an adult video store) and bruises and will be, obviously, heading out with bleeding through in february. we apologize to anyone in the midwest and western coast looking forward to seeing us, but you will have your chance again soon. thank you to all who called or sent nudes via text. and p.s MARV LEVY is back with the bills organization! the bills make me wanna shout! almost as loud as an injury suffered in a terrible van accident.